REFERENCE

Here is a conversation of two people who met in a coffee shop in Týn nad Vltavou. They did not know it but they were overheard and translated into English by an unknown volunteer. Our school was mentioned in the conversation and that is why it is published on this website.

Hey, how are you?

Not bad, thanks, and you?

Fine, thanks. And how is your family?

Very well, thank you. And yours?

They’re well. So, any progress in your learning of English?

Well, I am kinda stuck, looking for some new ways of doing it. Any ideas?

Sure, plenty of them. Try reading English newspapers, for example.

Yeah, I could do that. Although reading a paper isn’t exactly my idea of fun. Any more ideas?

Well, why don’t you try to read English novels?

Yes, that would help too, I am sure. But I would prefer something that doesn’t take so long and is exciting and fun and useful.

Then you should do a course in a language school.

That’s what I think too. Do you know any good language school then?

There is one in the square…

Oh, I know what you mean, Mr. Zatloukal’s school, isn’t it?

Yes, it is.

Do you think it is so good? Do you know anyone who learned English really well there?

Yes, me, for instance. A foreign language can’t be taught, it must be learned.

What’s the point of doing a course then?

For learning you need some aid. A book, and a teacher too. And do you know what? They always try their best to teach you and prepare you for any situation in which you might need English.

OK, I’ll give it a try. I must go now.

Do it. And then you will tell me about it. Good bye.

Bye, thanks for the advice.

An incident in a coffee shop

18:30 CET, a coffee shop in Týn nad Vltavou, East Europe.

The room is almost empty, only a few people are sitting at the tables. A man and a woman are sitting by a window and talking in low voices. Not far from them is a man in a green pullover and black trousers, with a beard and glasses, sipping his coffee and reading something on his mobile phone. This man is me. He seems to be immersed in what he is reading. However, he is very well aware of what is going on around him. It is and old habit of his to be aware of it, to write it down and then in the old days he used to submit it to a man in a grey long coat who called him by his codename Kolovrátek (Spinning wheel : in Czech, if sou talk like a spinning wheel, you talk a lot). Just kidding.

Nevertheless, the conversation he is overhearing is quite interesting. And this conversation is in English, although the speakers have a heavy East European accent and sometimes they make a grammar or another mistake.

“I’d like to tell you something interesting but you mustn’t tell anyone,” said the man.

The attention of the man with a mobile phone is still fully occupied by something that he is reading and he is apparently completely oblivious to his surroundings.He strokes his false beard and frowns his head in concentration. But when the man by the window says the interesting information, the eyes of the man with a mobile phone widen and he seems to stiffen.  And his face turns pale.

Anyway, this information can by no means be revealed. It cannot be verified or falsified and furthermore it would not benefit anyone.

Then the woman says something and the man replies. After that the woman says something else. The man disagrees. The woman repeats herself with greater emphasis and the man concedes. Then he says something funny and they both laugh. But what was said the man with a mobile phone doesn't know. Even if the man in a long grey coat of the old days came and asked, the Spinning wheel wouldn't tell him, he wouldn't know. He doesn't hear and doesn't see. He is absorbing the shock.

Finally, he pays his bill and is about to leave the coffee shop. And when he is putting some money in his wallet, something falls to the floor. He doesn’t notice and leaves the place. It is a small poster advertising language lessons in Týn nad Vltavou. Everybody is welcome to join English courses at 84 Jiráskova street. Not a bad idea.

An incredible story

When I first heard this story I believed every word of it. Now, on second thought, I must admit, I am not so certain that it happened exactly as I was told. However, as they say, if it is not true, it is at least well invented.

Everyone is struggling to attain happiness and avoid misfortune. How, then, does happiness arise?  People feel joy when their desires are fulfilled. We want to satisfy our internal desires as well as external ones. Apart from food, clothes, shelter and so on, which are physical needs, we want to fulfill our internal, spiritual needs like knowing the truth or following our conscience.

Peter was no different. His physical needs were quite fulfilled. He had enough food, enough clothes and a place to live, too.  But he wanted a better job. He had attended a few job interviews but had been offered no job. He thought that having more things would make him happier. But to achieve this, he needed something more internal first. He thought he needed to improve his English. Everywhere they required very good English.

“I should go to England for some time,” he thought. “I should do a course of English there. That would help me.” This thought made him feel very good. He looked at some advertisements on the Internet. The prices were very high. And his spirits sank low.

“It is not fair,” Peter thought. “Bob is right. We live in a bad country. Life is bad.” Very black, very dark thoughts were gathering around and attacking him. A spiritually sensitive woman was coming by. When she was passing him, she almost fell over. So strong was the power of his negativity! And now he was coming to the popular pub ‘The Corner’.

“What else can a person do than go to the pub?” he thought bitterly. “It is our national sport. It is a destiny.” He was about to enter the pub when an image of his friend Bob came to his mind. Bob was surely sitting in the pub, drinking beer and chain smoking his cigarettes. He is waiting for a like-minded companion. This image was not really inviting.

So Peter walked on. When he was walking along some trees, he suddenly heard a strange sound: ‘clink’. He looked what was happening and exclaimed in surprise, “Grandfather Mushroom! I never believed you really existed!”

And really, there he was, Grandfather Mushroom, no taller than a 10 years old child, with a long white beard and a wide, mushroom-like hat. He was nodding his head and looking straight in Peter’s eyes.

“Peter, Peter,” said Grandfather Mushroom. “You did a good thing that you did not go to the pub. But why are you looking so gloomy? What has befallen you?”

“As if you did not know,” said Peter. “I want to learn English but how can I afford a course in England?”

“You may need to speak Russian in the future,” Grandfather Mushroom said cryptically.

"I'll pray that I won't. But now I need to learn English. I should have studied harder at school."

Grandfather Mushroom nodded his head,  “I could help you,” he said, “if you can catch me.”

“I am not even going to try,” sighed Peter, “I know you are a wizard.”

“Well, I do some magic,” said Grandfather apologetically. “I can give you advice though.” He made a dramatic pause. “Peter, you can improve your English and stay here. You don’t need to go to England to do it. There are very good English courses right here in Týn, right in the square, don’t you know?”

“Really?” asked Peter. “How is it possible that I don’t know about it? I did not notice any advertisements.”

“Well, perhaps they should advertise more. They seem to think that a good product sells itself. And that they will be advertised by word of mouth. So I am happy I can help now.”

“Thank you, Grandfather,” I will try it. Where exactly is it?”

“84 Jiráskova street, you want to speak to Mr. Zatloukal, or Mrs Zatloukalová, that’s maybe even better. Good luck, Peter, and take care. Bye”

‘Clink’, Grandfather Mushroom was gone.

“Good bye, thanks again”, said Peter and walked on towards his home, his face looking a little brighter.

"Very well, Peter", a voice was heard when Peter had walked away. "You did not forget to thank an old person."

Something for sci-fi fans

Sorry, I am not free to disclose the source of this story. But is it important? So many people ask: “Who said that?” However, if it is true, it will remain true no matter who said that. Moreover, an untrustworthy source can be right too, from time to time.

The face of the man in front of the computer screen looked Oriental. His small dark eyes studied the landscape on the screen. The picture zoomed and revealed a street of a big city teeming with people and motor vehicles. There was a sign ‘ROADWORKS, THE STREET CLOSED’. The cars (in other streets) were driving on the left. It was an English city.

A sign above a door to a big building read: ‘LANGUAGE SCHOOL’. The picture zoomed further. Surprisingly, the sounds of the city were heard too. What kind of technology was that?! Where did they copy it?

And shockingly, the computer screen showed the corridors of the school, faces of the people inside, accompanied by the sounds of the footsteps, greetings and a distant conversation! And then there was a classroom with a teacher, a tall elderly man with a moustache explaining some vocabulary to some fifteen foreign students, a few of them also Oriental. The picture (and sound) of the classroom remained on the screen for about twenty minutes, and during that time three more similar looking Asian men joined the first man at the computer and watched the lesson.

Then the men left and the image on the screen again began to change. And there was another city or rather a town. There was a sign ‘ZÁKAZ VOLNÉHO POBÍHÁNÍ PSŮ’ (All dogs must be on a leash). The people in the streets did not look in such a hurry but perhaps a bit unhappy. With some exceptions! A small group of cheerful people were marching along the street and entered a corner building in the square. Then the picture showed the inside of the house and then there was a small classroom where the people sat down and a handsome man in a green pullover began to speak enthusiastically in English, trying to pronounce very clearly.

The man in front of the screen began to smile. He listened very carefully and started to make notes. Soon there were more people around him, five men and three women. They all had notebooks and watched the screen very intently. Sometimes they laughed and sometimes and quickly wrote in their notebooks.

After ninety minutes, when the lesson finished and people left, the screen showed the streets of the small town with a wide river. At the end of the town was a sign Týn nad Vltavou.

And here is something for classical literature fans.

“Elementary, dear Watson”, said a tall, thin man.

“And pre-intermediate too?” asked Watson.

“As well as intermediate and so forth”, replied the tall man. “All these levels are taught at the language school in Týn nad Vltavou.”

“Which is quite a long way from here, in Bohemia. So, why are we saying these things, Holmes? Are we some advertisements actors?” the smaller man wanted to know.

“We are just returning a favour”, explained Holmes.

“To whom?”

“To a man who has read all of our small adventures and took some interest in my powers of deduction.”

“Or my ability to describe these adventures of ours in a form that makes them so popular and successful pieces of literature.”

“Either way, the owner of the school seems to be an extraordinary gentleman and in his classes he recommends reading about our little cases.”

“All right then. And are their courses good?”

“Yes, they are very good.”

It is not always clear what is reality and what is just an illusion, a dream. My good friend, I will call him Tony, although it is not his real name, is a good example of this. Sometimes he does not know what to think about an incident that happened a few months ago…

Tony is a language teacher in a small town, a good teacher I should say, maybe a little too good, perhaps damned good.

And so it was that one evening returning home from work, walking along a deserted street, he noticed something big flying high above his head. He thought that perhaps he was working too much when suddenly there was a shaft of light cast from the object above him and Tony felt himself being lifted up towards the mysterious thing. A few moments later he found himself surrounded by a group of small green creatures with big mouths, eyestalks, dressed in funny alien looking clothes.

They smiled at him and one of them brought him a cup of coffee and his favorite piece of cake. They seemed to be friendly. Then they escorted him to a room that was an exact replica of his classroom. At the desks were sitting some more aliens with notebooks in front of them, their faces eager with anticipation.

What could Tony do? He taught on the ship for several months, improving language skills of the very fast learning green students, the best students he had ever had. They were giving him very good food and in his little free time he watched films of which he had a very wide choice.

Then one day they thanked him for his help, apologized for any inconvenience and put him on the same spot from which they had kidnapped him months before. He went home and was very surprised when he found that it was still the same date and even the time as on the day of his involuntary departure.

Or was he only working too much? But still, some people reported seeing a UFO above Týn nad Vltavou on that day.